December 4, 2022

“Don’t expect trouble and don’t worry about what may never happen. Stay in the sunlight.”
Benjamin Franklin

A very common question I’ve been asked over the years goes something like this:

“I always get nervous before a date/meeting/social gathering and it keeps me from being my true and best self and doing and getting what I want. What can I do to overcome this?”

This is a problem that has held me back in the past and I have more experience with it than I ever wished.

When I was single, I was often quite nervous before a date.

And before that, when I hadn’t dated at all for a long time, I used to get nervous before most social situations.

It wasn’t fun.

However, things were not hopeless. And today I want to share three small habits and steps that, to put it simply, have totally changed my life.

Step 1: Slow down.

A few minutes before you get into that meeting, interview, or date that’s making you nervous, slow down.

Walk more slowly to the meeting point. Move slower.

Then stop.

Step 2: Breathe.

Stand still or sit down for a minute. And then just breathe. Breathe a little deeper than usual.

Make sure you breathe through your nostrils and with your belly.

Focus only on your slow inhalation and exhalation for 1-2 minutes.

This will calm your mind and body and make it easier for you to think clearly and normally again.

Also, this unique focus on your breathing will draw you back into this moment instead of leaving you lost in thoughts of past mistakes or destructive worries about your near future.

Step 3: Accept rapport.

Accepting rapport means that just before you meet someone, you pretend and think you’re meeting one of your best friends.

When you do this, you can naturally slip into a much more relaxed, comfortable, confident, and comfortable emotional state and state of mind.

In this state of mind, conversations and smiles flow naturally without much thought.

Just like with your best friends.

It’s a very easy habit to get into in my experience, but at the same time it’s also an incredibly powerful habit for tapping into your best social self.

By doing these three steps over and over again, they become habits that are easy to apply. And over time, as you perform well in social situations, the old normal of being nervous is replaced with a new normal.

A normality where you are – at least most of the time – relaxed and confident in social situations because all your recent experiences combined have changed your view of yourself and your expectations of dating, meetings and similar situations.